hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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