C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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