ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
