i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
