Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
