Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
