i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
