my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
