i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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