he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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