but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fill condoms, not promises.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
