I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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