JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
