do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
