tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
