took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
