I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
