I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
