im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
