If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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