Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize