so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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