Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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