Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
