Plan B is the new Plan A
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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