the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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