would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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