I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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