and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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