and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize