you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
