"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
