dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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