We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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