i will never coherently bang her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
