I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize