Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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