I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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