I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
