Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
