I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
