I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
