I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
