i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
