Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
