I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
