There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
