HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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