so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
