Nicole vs. Life
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
