i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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