If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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