yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
