i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
