just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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