i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
