Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
