At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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