i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
