Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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