I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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