i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
