Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
