she looked like the bat from fern gully.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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