Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
