You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
