Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
