dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
