He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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