Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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