I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
