That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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