At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
